Is There a Light at the End of My Tunnel

[kitteh]

Tyler and I have known each other for many years. So many its almost hard to count, but I remember the exact day that I met him- that I really met him. It was my eight grade year, and we had our highschool students come home and tell us what the school drama club was about. It was then that I met him. Tall brown hair, eyes blue like the sky and a smile brighter than anyone has ever seen. It wasn't love at first sight, he was pretty, but i didn't know him. How could I really love someone i didn't know? If I could run back to that day and tell myself where we would be now, I would jump on the train sooner. Get to really know him then.

We need some light.
First of all, we need some light.
You can't sit here in the dark.
And all alone, it's a sorry sight.
It's just you and me.
We'll live, you'll see.

My Nineth grade year, he was a Sophmore and i wouldn't have thought he would have ever picked me- I wanted him to and i knew that if he was going to choose anyone it would be me. Even then I was a bit selfcenterd about my Future boyfriend. It took a few months, where we became friends got close, and then in the end we started dating. To the disbelief of all my friends, it took five months for us to really kindle our relationship to where we both felt comfortable enough to really be with each other.

Night after night,
We'd sit and wait for the morning light.
But we've waited far too long,
For all that's wrong to be made right.

Our first date, we went to the movies then we went to his parents house to go eat dinner, seeing as he thought it would better to do that. The first thing that happened? We sat down with his parents and he made me laugh so hard that i spit my water both out of my mouth and my nose. That was the last time i was ever worried or frightened at his family. We have been very close ever since that day. He drove me home, listening to showtunes and classical music the whole way.

Day after day,
Wishing all our cares away.
Trying to fight the things we feel,
But some hurts never heal.
Some ghost are never gone,
But we go on,
We still go on

The whole first year went by without a hitch, and for our first year anaversery he took me to NewYork and we went to go see next to normal on broadway. We Loved that music, that musical. It was such a sad sad musical. But that wasn't the surprise- no- he talked to the crew and we got to talk to them. It was probaly the best present that I have EVER gotten for a boyfriend. We stayed in a hotel for a few days and went home with all of our memories and gifts that can never be taken away.

And you find some way to survive
And you find out you don't have to be happy at all,
To be happier alive.
Day after day,
Give me clouds, and rain and gray.
Give me pain, if that's what's real.

Our first fight was probably the worst fight that i've ever had with someone. We were at his house, and both of us were cranky and tired from the week of play practice. We both talk to other people. We aren't a couple that seems to fight over who they talk too. But that night. That day when i was sitting at his house, trying to relax, he kept on getting texts from her. Over and over his phone would beep until i asked him about it- getting angry. I don't know if it was because I was so stressed and tired that i went off or if it was because i was acutally angry at him, but we screamed. we yelled, our fists hit the chairs and our glasses were on the floor, the liquids were all over. Tears were streaming down both of our faces, and screams were coming out of our mouths. I ran, and i drove home with tears in my eyes. We didn't talk for weeks, and the time we made up, rivaled our first date. I was so happy.

It's the price we pay to feel.
The price of love is loss,
But still we pay.
We love anyway.

Minus the little bit of fighting, we were and still are the happiest couple that anyone has yet to meet. It broke my heart when he told me he wanted to go to russia. Yes we fought about it, but i knew that in the end that is was all up to him. He almost didn't take the experiance, but i decided that he would be happier in russia, learning the language that he's always wanted to learn, and always wanted to try. He was in russia for two months when it happened. Two months and 17 days when i found out what happened to him.

And when the night has finally gone.
And when we see the new day dawn.
We'll wonder how we wandered for so long, so blind.
The wasted world we thought we knew,
The light will make it look brand new

He hit his head when skiing with his host family. They say he was having a good time, happy and smiling when he came down, and was sideswiped by another skiier beside him. Tyler hit his head twice before rolling down the hill to a stop. He hasn't responded since. The doctors are sure that he has bleeding in his brain- but they don't know. Today i am going to be on my way to russia to check on him. to make sure his ok.

Let it
Let it
Let it
Let it
Let it
Shine, shine, shine.
Day after day (day after day),
We'll find the will to find our way.
Knowing that the darkest skies will someday see the sun

I will keep you updated, but if anythig, i might not be on as often. I love him, and i believe he comes first. Is there a light at the end of his tunnel...? I pray he will wake up. soon....

When our long night is done,
There will be light.
There will be light.
There will be light.
There will be light.
When we open up our light.
Sons and daughters, husbands, wives.
Can fight that fight.
There will be light.
There will be light.
There will be light.
There will be light.

Song: Next to Normal, Light

[bläck¢läw]

I'm so sorry he got hurt . I hope he wakes up soon. You guys sounded like a really happy couple. You will have to keep everyone on the site updated about how he is doing.

[løиetëaя]

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking about you guys a lot. So hang in there and I really hope you wakes up. Make sure you keep us updated as much as you can. Try talking to him a lot too, it might help. Don't give up, no matter what you do, just don't give up.

[kitteh]

Today i got to russia and it was such a pretty place. I'm so upset that i am here and it isn't for a good reason. That this beauty will always be linked to a terrible memory. The plane ride was long, but i did sleep most of the way there. The times i couldn't i continued to write for my book that im writing.

Jamie is over and Jamie is gone
Jamie's decided it's time to move on
Jamie has new dreams he's building upon
And I'm still hurting
Jamie arrived at the end of the line
Jamie's convinced that the problems are mine
Jamie is probably feeling just fine
And I'm still hurting
What about lies, Jamie?
What about things
That you swore to be true
What about you, Jamie
What about you

Iwalked into the very very clean hospital and found him....of course- in those ugly hospital dresses, with wires coming out of every part of his body, and it really was a shock. The first time seeing him in that long and he wasn't able to see me. Of course the doctors say he may be able to hear me but i don't know. I guess we'll find out when he wakes up.. Right? He hasn't gotten better, but he hasn't gotten any worse.

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Jamie is sure something wonderful died
Jamie decides it's his right to decide
Jamie's got secrets he doesn't confide
And I'm still hurting
Go and hide and run away
Run away, run and find something better
Go and ride the sun away
Run away like it's simple
Like it's right...
Give me a day, Jamie
Bring back the lies
Hang them back on the wall
Maybe I'd see
How you could be
So certain that we
Had no chance at all

I sang to him, i talked to him, telling him about all the theatre he was missing, and how much all his amarican friends missed him. Now im going to read to him. I'm going to read The Scarlet Letter, one of my favorites, and soon to be his. After, because it won't take me too long to read it too him, i'll go to Shakespeare. Maybe his sonnets.

Jamie is over and where can I turn?
Covered with scars I did nothing to earn
Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn
But that wouldn't change the fact
That wouldn't speed the time
Once the foundation's cracked
And I'm
Still Hurting

Song: The Last 5 Years- I'm Still Hurting

[bläck¢läw]

That's good you are talking to him. Keep it up, I hope he wakes up soon. I have been keeping you guys in my thoughts. I think it's really sweet you are going to read him the Scarlet Letter. Keep hanging in there, things will get better sooner or later.

[kitteh]

Today actually started yesterday for you. Today, literaly is thursday, but i can't seem to get on the crazy russian time. I haven't been out of his room besides the time that the doctors shoved us out- it was at that time we went to his host families house. And for a long time, i sat there in the room he used, the bed he slept in- i mean the room even smelled like him. His host families son came and talked to me. Alexander was at the site of the accident when it happened. He has faith that he will get better, but he truthfuly told me he hit the ground really hard. Of course, it made me upset and i just broke down. With thr russian rubbing my back, he told me that the skiier that hit him was a woman, and shes awake, and its only because of how tyler tried to miss her.

Don't you fret, M'sieur Marius
I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now
You're here, that's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow.

I didn't sleep well- i woke up to hear the crying of his mother in the room next to mine. It was then that they said that they had found bleeding in his brain, and they would try and put him on meds to see if they could get it to stop, but if the blood had put too much pressure on his brain he might not wake up. Of course this was a shock. Of course it made me want to throw my hands up and just sob. I hit rock bottom.

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The rain can't hurt me now
This rain will wash away what's past
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last.

The rain that brings you here
Is Heaven-blessed!
The skies begin to clear
And I'm at rest
A breath away from where you are
I've come home from so far
So don't you fret, M'sieur Marius

He hasn't gotten any better. He hasn't moved, flickered his eyes.... nothing. I got halfway through reading him The Scarlet Letter today... and realized im going to have to go buy some other books to read to him... at the speed we are going.. i will have finished all of the books i brought before he wakes up. if he does. I am taking russian lessons, so at least i can understand them a bit more. I talked to my parents today, and they said.. that if he isn't awake in a week and a half, i have to come home. I can't miss that much school.

I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now
That's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine,
You won't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt you now
I'm here
I will stay with you
Till you are sleeping
And rain...
And rain...
Will make the flowers...
Will make the flowers... grow...

Song: Les miserables- A Little Fall of Rain

[kitteh]

The days seem longer here. They drag...Its something that i have had to deal with before- but i didn't ever ever want to deal with it again. My mind spins every time we make the same drive from their house to the hospital, talking in their russian voices. Talking about going to school, about who they will see. They care- you can see it when they drop us off. They feel sorry for us, but they really can't do anything about it. It's bad enough that Tyler was hurt under their watch now they have to deal with it.

If I believe that I could do anything,
Could I spread my wings and say goodbye
So many people told me I couldn't win
But look at me now
Here I am in heaven's sky
And sometimes I say a prayer
Wishing that you could be here with me Cos I believe

The people in the hospital are very nice, but speak little english. We've had to get a translator to translate for us so that we know exactly what is going on without bogging our host family down by making them stay with us at this...place.

I believe in love, it's the best of everything
I believe in hope and the changes it can bring
If you believe then nothing can stand in your way
Just say, I believe

Yesterday, my love was put on a vent. His breathing had just gotten too shallow and the doctors didn't want to risk him getting any worse than he was. They slowly did it- and i know i probably shouldn't have watched. The doctors said that nothing would happen to him when they put the tube in, but i didn't want to leave him. I wasn't going too. I picked up his hand. His right hand. The one i've constantly held since the day i walked in here and watched them do it. It wasn't pretty... It wasn't nice. but it needed to be done.

If hope's the house I wanna be living in
Baby, I've got one foot in the door
Yes I do
All the years of waiting for your approval dear
Well I realised I don't need it anymore
'Cause I'm stronger everyday,
Now I'm strong enough to say, I believe

I remembered the first musical we ever tried out for together. We went out for Fiddler on The Roof, Ironicly a russian musical about the hard times. To get the roles that we wanted we had to sing and act duet. I had no problem with the singing, and for a while i didn't think that Ty was going to have problems either. That boy has a voice, but that boy can't dance. Ha, he has two left feet, and that cut down our chances for our duet.We chose a duet from Les Miserables. If any of you can guess the song I'll give you a treat. just PM me. The song was sad, and the character i played, dies in the middle of the song. Needless to say, i thought that i deserved that role in Fiddler more than any others that tried out- but in the end- neither of us got the roles we wanted.

I believe in love, it's the best of everything
I believe in hope and the changes it can bring
If you believe then nothing can stand in your way
I believe

The bleeding went down- it went down. it went down. I told myself this for two days, until the doctors finally came in and told me what i had been murmuring to myself. Today i found out that the bleeding in his brain had gone down. They don't know how much damage has been done, and we wont know until he waes up- if he does. I have hope i feel it inside me now. Fight through this Tyler, you have this love.

It's a fact of life that we're all in the game
But it's still your call
But we all play it
Sometimes we win, sometimes we fall
But that's no reason just to give it up, cause after all
If you can't choose what to be
You can choose what to dream
And I believe
I believe in love, it's the best of everything
I believe in hope and the changes it can bring
If you believe then nothing can stand in your way
Just say, (oh) I believe

[kitteh]

He responed he responed. Oh my you don't know how exciting this is to me. The day was going by completely normaly. i was reading to him from War and Peace, probably the most dense book i've tried to get to in a long time, but one of his favorites. It's not hard to find books for us. We both scored 34s on our ACT's last year. We love us some classical litterature. I war reading, and it happened... The beeping went crazy, and Tyler started coughing like crazy. It sounded like he was dying there, right there in that bed. The nurses pushed me out of the way and got him fixed up. Turns out- he was choking on the vent. He could breath by himself. I was overjoyed at this point, and when i talked to him, holding that right hand he squeezed it. lightly of course. He knows im here. He can't see me- but he can hear me. Oh- he is going to make it through this.

[cookie]

Oh my gosh Kitteh that is horrible. I seriously almost started crying. I really hope that he wakes up. You two seemed to perfect for each other... it would be cruel to rip you apart like that. Please let him get better... I'm praying for you Kitteh.

<3 Cookie